Details can make or break a writer's work. Too little and the essay will seem dry and listless, too many irrelevant details and the audience will get bored. Definitions should be used to help the audience get a better understanding of the authors point. When explaining a definition, it should be more than just a dictionary answer. A writer needs to explain why the definition is being used, in what context, give an example or possibly explain the process that it is used in.
The New York Times article I chose is entitled "For Woman in Sudan, No Escape From Misery". The article explains the harsh living conditions for Southern Sudanese living north of the border. South Sudan recently split from Sudan to form an independant nation. By doing so, some Southern Sudanese were trapped on the north side and are unable to get back to South Sudan. The discussion in which it is taking part is about the hard living conditions for those in other countries, and the many difficulties they face by living there. The article tries to open the publics eyes as to what people of other nations are having to go through.
I felt like you describing two different subjects in the first paragraph, details and definitions. I think I know where you are going with the paragraph, but I would have liked to see you connect those two ideas in a different way.
ReplyDeleteI thought your article summary got a sidetracked. Your title talks of Sudanese women and then you drift into southern Sudanese as a whole. Stay with the women angle, it is the most powerful element in the story. Also maybe a link to the article?
If I understand where you were going, it would have been better to write about definitions followed by explaining how details are used in a definition. It would have been nice to have more of a tie to the women in Sudan, but you set the article up well. Explaining the situation as a whole helped me understand the article and the angle a paper might be written from.
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